Serve the Person, Not the Goal

As an actor, my biggest thrill is standing on stage in front of people. I love the energy in the room and the anticipation of what will happen next. 

I receive that same rush of excitement as a coach when my clients experience a breakthrough. It's why I'm a coach, and it's what you should get out of a good coaching partnership. 

But just because breakthroughs are the goal doesn’t mean that I’m supposed to focus on finding them in every conversation. In fact, just the reverse happens – if I’m trying too hard to ask just the right question or create the best experience, I’m more likely to miss the mark completely.

If I’m trying to impress you with my magical coaching skills, I’ll almost certainly fail.
But if I focus on you, then the real magic happens. 

I'm Not Here to Impress You

Have you ever met someone who was obviously trying really hard to get you to like him? Did it work?

It's natural to want to be liked by people. We have an inborn need as humans to belong, and part of belonging is feeling accepted. But something surprising happens when we focus on being liked: it nearly always has the opposite affect.

In our search for belonging, we employ an honesty filter. We constantly judge whether other people are telling us the truth so that we can safely invite them into our space. When someone is trying to impress us, we sense the dishonesty (or, inauthenticity) and tend to reject them instead.

Why is trying to impress perceived as inauthentic?
Because it's all about ME.  

As a coach, if I'm worried about you liking me, then I'm thinking about ME. You're paying me to show up for you, but instead, I'm paying attention to myself. 

I can't lead you to the results you want if I'm worried about how impressive i am.

If I am concerned with outcomes, then I’m looking for ways to manipulate our conversations to get there. I’m listening for ways to tell you what to do.

But if I’m focused on you, then I’m free to show up in that moment. I’m listening to you, not speaking at you. When I do that, I can hear what’s really important. I can hear what you’re not saying. I can explore with you instead of direct the path for you.

Coaching Isn't About Me

As a coach, I'm tempted in a million ways to worry about what clients think of me. I can worry about:

  • asking the right questions
  • creating the right solutions
  • providing the best value
  • giving an exceptional experience 

Those are excellent goals to have for a coaching partnership, right? I want to do my job well and have you experience success. 

But in coaching, if I focus on goals - no matter how valid they are - I miss YOU. And YOU are the reason I show up in the first place.

Are you looking for support?

I serve mission-driven leaders and their teams, freeing you up to do the work that matters with less frustration and more confidence. 

Because I am committed to giving generously, serving powerfully, and holding nothing back, I engage in a limited number of coaching partnerships each year. I am currently accepting inquiries for 2018, both for 1:1 leadership and team coaching. Email nicole(at) nicoledevereaux.com or set up a free call to explore possibilities. 

I created the 30 Days of Ease and Intention to serve a wider group of inspiring leaders through personal exploration and weekly small group calls. This virtual retreat for your soul will run from January 8- February 6, 2018 and help you ease into a new year of feeling calm, confident, and in control.

Registration for the 30 Days of Ease and Intention is open until December 20, 2017 but any purchases made by November 28 will allow me to give 20% to help fight sex trafficking on #GivingTuesday.

Want to know more about any of these opportunities? Click below and let's chat!

Learning to Lead Myself

Successful leaders overcome painful challenges by responding in one of two ways. Either you learn to no longer care what anyone else thinks of you and your decisions, or you open your heart wide and care too much. Both of these paths can drive a leader and ultimately be a major factor in her success.

Though motivated by different reasons, the actions of these leaders may look very similar. This is because ultimately the mission, not the method, is the focus of their efforts. Mission-driven leaders have a story to tell, and that story is worth sacrificing for. But the biggest sacrifice is usually the leader herself.

A few years ago, I was forced to admit that I had let my mission become an avoidance tactic for my fears.

Through a painful and sobering journey, I learned an important secret about fear, and this secret enabled me to launch my coaching practice and serve other ambitious, compassionate leaders. Leaders who want to change the world, but who too easily forget the importance of changing (leading) themselves.

Strengths and Weaknesses

A mentor once told me, when preparing for professional interviews, always spin your weaknesses as strengths. For example, I could say, “I am a perfectionist. I care so much about having the work done well that, from time to time, I can get caught up in the details.” Or, “I’m very decisive. I rarely hesitate when making decisions, which sometimes means that I don’t take enough time to gather all the information.”

While this is a helpful trick in making my weaknesses sound attractive to a prospective employer, it is also an insightful lesson for recognizing the pitfalls of my strengths.

The source of my success as a leader is also the liability that could break me.

You already know this, right? Determined leaders who charge ahead, unconcerned about what others think, have probably been accused of being intimidating and lacking compassion. You know that emotional connection with others is important, but you don’t trust your emotions. Instead, you believe that it’s better to suppress your feelings and act according to logic.

Extremely compassionate leaders, on the other hand, have probably experienced the danger of not setting healthy boundaries and taking too much responsibility for everyone around them. You know that you need to care for yourself, but you can’t bear to imagine not taking care of others. You believe that paying attention to yourself is selfish and a hindrance to the mission.   

In both cases, you sacrifice what is best for yourself in order to accomplish what is best for others.

This is what leaders do, isn’t it? We put everyone else ahead of ourselves, we consider the needs of others above our own, we never slow down, never rest, until the work is complete.

We either avoid our hearts completely, because it’s messy and complicated and painful and confusing to deal with all those emotions, or we rely solely on our hearts to enter into everyone else’s suffering and problems and tragedies and fears at the cost of neglecting our own. This is what leaders do.  

But isn’t that getting exhausting? Doesn’t it feel awfully lonely?

The problem with leaders is that we have an expectation of how we should treat others that we don’t apply to how we treat ourselves.

We have learned to focus so much on our behaviors (am I doing the right thing?) that we have forgotten to examine our hearts (how does this choice make me feel?).

Whether we make decisions with our thoughts or with our feelings, we validate the outcome based on how it affects others - our audience, our staff, the people we serve. We have learned that it is easier to look outward rather than inward. It seems easier to solve everyone else’s problems rather than our own. It is more important to take care of everyone else, rather than ourselves.

But paying more attention to ourselves actually allows us to give better attention to others. We do not exist in an either/or reality where we must choose between good actions or good feelings, serving others or serving ourselves.

There is a better way where both needs are met, where head and heart work together, where we can give generously to others without overlooking ourselves.       

Because

Self-care is not selfishness.
Self-care is not self-centeredness.
Self-care is not self-indulgence.

Taking care of yourself is not neglecting to care for others.

Because here’s the secret to our fears of dropping the balls, letting people down, and failing miserably – this fear is an opportunity to give empathy. Empathy, to yourself.

We must give empathy to ourselves in order to truly serve others.

Whether you have armor covering your heart or you wear your heart on your sleeve, if you are not taking care of yourself, then your care for others is one-dimensional. It is coming from a place of “have to” that is rooted in fear, rather than a place of freedom that is grounded in faith.

Fear says, “I have to make sure that other person is taken care of.”
Faith says, “I can rest and take care of myself [so that I can give from a place of fullness later].”

One of the best gifts I can give myself as a leader is empathy – empathy for myself.

Want to learn how?

My own journey toward slowing down and caring for myself has opened up INCREDIBLE opportunities to serve others. And I want to share my success with you!

I've created the 30 Days of Ease and Intention so you can take your own journey toward a calm, confident, and in-control life (and business). 

From January 8 - February 6, 2018, I'll be guiding motivated leaders toward a more authentic, focused, and better business (and self).

We'll learn to integrate our personal and professional commitments so that we feel wholly connected to every part of our lives.

We'll uncover the joy of doing what feels good.

We'll develop a confidence to reject distractions, inspire discipline, and empower their missions. 

Plus, I'll be giving back 20% of my profits from ALL PURCHASES (made by November 28) of this experience!

Anyone who decides, by November 28, to join me for these 30 Days of Ease and Intention will directly allow me to give 20% to Dressember, an organization that raises awareness and forms strategic partnerships to identify, rescue, and restore victims of sex trafficking.

Click the image below to learn more about the 30 Days of Ease and Intention and please consider joining me - not just in fighting sex trafficking, but in giving OURSELVES the gift of freedom in life and work.

Confession: It Took Me 4 Years

We all want to believe that when we see something wrong, we’ll act to make it right.

We want to believe that we’ll stand up to the bully, stop an abuser, or intervene on a victim’s behalf. We, the modern day heroes, watch films about the atrocities of the past and tell ourselves that, had we been there, we would have acted differently. We would have stood on the side of justice.

I believed that about myself.

So Why Did It Take Me 4 Years to Act?

Four years ago, in July 2013, I read a blog post about human trafficking and modern day slavery. I “knew” that slavery still existed in the world; I had heard statistics and stories over the years of people (mostly women and children) being sold for a few dollars. But on that day, when I read the story of what an actual rescue mission for one of these precious humans looked like – that day, I couldn’t just move on.

I cried. I prayed. I took the author’s advice to research local anti-trafficking efforts in my city. I signed up to get newsletters and followed all the right organizations on social media and then…Then, I just watched.

For four years, I just stood by and watched other people do something about the fastest growing criminal enterprise in the world – the buying and selling of human beings, of children like my children, for sexual exploitation. 

Lest you are tempted to believe that this only happens “somewhere else”, let me share that in early October, 84 minors, including a 3-month old girl and her 5-year old sister, were rescued from various trafficking organizations across the United States.

These 2 baby girls were offered for sex to an undercover FBI agent for $600.

human_trafficking.jpg

I can’t stay quiet about this anymore. I can’t let someone else do the work that matters, not just across the world, but right here where I live.

Which is why I’m spending the rest of 2017 raising awareness and money to fight sex trafficking.

I am only one, but I am one.
I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do
interfere with what I can do.
Edward Everett Hale


Over the next 2 months, you’ll hear a lot from me about modern day slavery, the exploitation of women and children – and how we can act. We CAN stand up to bullies, stop abusers, and intervene for victims. We can say we were there – and we did something.

On Tuesday November 28, I’ll give 20% of my business income to Dressember as part of #GivingTuesday.

My goal is to generate as much income as I can this month so that I can give generously on November 28. You can read more on my website’s #GivingTuesday page to see what I’m offering to give YOU in order to reach this goal; I’ll formally announce it across all my social media channels on Friday November 3.

Every Saturday in November, on Instagram, I’ll highlight one of the incredible organizations that has already be in this fight. I hope you’ll check them out, be sobered and inspired, and find your own way to get involved.

Then, in December, I’ll wear a dress every day to stand with Dressember’s vision of creating a world without slavery.

These dresses reclaim the value of every woman who is exploited and stand as a visual reminder that the fight for her freedom continues.

    stop_human_trafficking.jpg

    Will you join me?

     

    * Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Facebook to stay connected to the cause
    * Visit my #GivingTuesday page to take advantage of what I'm giving YOU so I can give generously on Nov 28

     

     

    How To Achieve Any Goal

    I just completed my first 30 Day Flat Abs Challenge.
    Surprise: I do not now have flat abs.

    But that wasn't really the point. I gave myself the challenge because I wanted to get into the habit of exercising daily. I've tried many 30 Day Challenges, but I've never finished. (Or, more accurately, I usually "finished" about 10 days in.)

    So what made this challenge a success, and
    how can I replicate it for future habit-building?

    Start Small

    I was attracted to this challenge because the first 6 days looked really easy. On Day 1, I only had to complete 3 different ab moves, at only 5 reps each. It took me less than 1 minute.  

    This challenge wisely set me up to succeed by requiring little time and effort at the beginning.

    Too often, we set goals for ourselves and then jump right into the deep end of trying to accomplish them. We quickly get overwhelmed and discouraged when we don't succeed, but the real failure was putting too heavy a load at the front end of the task. 

    Instead, try breaking your goal into baby steps. It was easy for me to find 1 minute a day to do fairly simple exercises. The entry level was so low that I quickly built confidence in my ability to see it through to the end.  

    Build Slowly

    By Day 30, I was doing 22 reps each of 5 different exercises. This was a far cry from where I started, but I barely noticed the increase because I built up to it slowly each day.

    I've tried a similar tactic when changing my morning wake time. When I want to wake up one hour earlier than usual, I start working toward this about 30 days in advance by setting my alarm only 2 minutes earlier each day. 

    For example, if I currently get up at 7am, but want to wake at 6am instead, I set my alarm for 6:58 on Day 1. By Day 5, my alarm is only ringing 10 minutes earlier than usual, at 6:50, but by Day 15, I expect to wake up at 6:30. At this pace, in only takes a month for me to gain that extra hour in the morning, and the increments were small enough that my body adjusted easily. 

    In case you're wondering, for that first week of alarm setting, I usually hit snooze (though I make a rule to only hit that button once). Eventually, as the alarm gets earlier and earlier, my body adjusts to being awake and is ready to get out of bed. The trick here is to keep setting the alarm 2 minutes earlier each day so that even if I hit snooze on Day 15, I'm still getting out of bed 20 minutes earlier than I was on Day 1. 

    What would it look like for you to map out small increments toward your greater goal? How small can you grow at a time ~ so small that you barely notice?

    Track Your Progress

    Though I usually reject meticulous systems, I forced myself to print out the Ab Challenge Calendar and taped it up on my wall. I looked at that calendar every night before I went to bed so that I could mentally prepare myself for what was coming the next day. Then, in the morning, as soon as I completed my exercises, I checked off all the boxes for that day.   

    this is my actual calendar. I made it all 30 days!!!

    this is my actual calendar. I made it all 30 days!!!

    not gonna lie -
    I did receive a certain sense of satisfaction when I saw those days getting crossed off. 

    The closer I got to finishing the 30 days, the more determined I was to keep going. Seeing my progress - being able to track those piddly exercises from Day 1 - kept me motivated to stay on track.

    Try printing out a calendar or having some sort of check system that physically records your headway toward your goal. The best accountability is actually finding a real person to check in with you! 

    Plan Ahead

    I had previously purchased Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle Challenge, but I had never even opened it. I thought I could use Jon's encouragement alongside my ab challenge, so I tried to watch his videos each day before my workout. 

    I quit Jon's plan after 7 days, but I did have one big takeaway that was important for my ab success: reviewing my calendar.

    Jon suggested that I look at all the commitments and responsibilities that would take up my time over the course of the challenge and plan ahead for days that might be difficult to complete. This helped me prepare for days that were busier, more stressful, or just out of the ordinary - and I was still able to get my workout in!  

    Rather than set an unrealistic daily expectation that can never be perfectly completed, plan for the difficult days. It might mean skipping a day toward working on your goal, but it's easier to plan for that break rather than feel you're behind when you inevitably miss a day.  

    What's Your Goal?

    If you've been struggling to build a good habit, change directions, or grow your business, check your methods. Did you - 

    1. Start Small
    2. Build Slowly
    3. Track Your Progress
    4. Plan Ahead

    No matter what goal(s) you're working toward, having a PLAN and a PERSON will better set you up for success.

    I offer FREE 90-minute coaching conversations for any mission-driven leader who wants a jumpstart on creating a plan or accountability to see it through.

    Don't waste another day feeling defeated or uncertain about where you're headed! I'd love to help you reach your goal.  

    Searching For My WHY

    The first year of my business was focused on experimenting. And while I will always be adapting and changing as I grow into my business, I know that I need my second year to have more focus.

    If I am the most “me” when I’m coaching, then what are the most important parts of me that need to be the foundation of my business? 

    So I'm taking some big steps to get clear on what exactly I do and who I most want to serve.

    1. I’ve invested in a business coach to hold me accountable to clarifying my vision and to help me create business growth strategies that align with me.
    2. I’m taking some time to DREAM BIG about where I really want to grow into.
    3. I’m exploring my brand (what does that even mean?!?) with a trusted biz bestie (and brand expert) as well as sharing with other creative entrepreneurs in my community.

    And I’m inviting you into my process! This may get a little messy, but I know that sharing my mess helps me stay committed to seeing it through. Are you willing to join me?  

    My First Dream Board

    Last week, my coach asked me to create a dream board that identified what my business would look like if I didn’t have any limitations, fears, or financial constraints. I’ve never created a “dream board”, and I still have a lot of questions that I’m praying about, but here’s a snapshot of what I doodled -

    dream-board-business-journal

    Honestly, I was really surprised by a lot of what I wrote!

    I think that I’m always going to struggle with "my why" a little bit because, for me, ever since I gave my life to Christ, I really haven’t done anything without God telling me to do it. That may sound a bit crazy - even to other Christians - but part of surrendering my life to God, I felt, was Jesus saying to me, “Are you willing to follow the dream that I have for your life?” For the past 18 years, that’s what I’ve been doing – waiting for God to tell me, moment by moment, day by day, year by year, where to go – and I just head in that direction. (it's worked out REALLY well, btw)

    That’s how I started this coaching business…I was praying about our situation, and I felt God telling me that this was what I was supposed to do. So I’m here because of that, not because I had some dream that this was what I wanted to do. I never imagined myself here.

    So when I was journaling, I really just started asking the question, "Why do the things that matter to me -- why do they matter to God?" I’m on this journey because these ideas come from God’s heart, rather than mine. So I started asking, “what does God care about?” It's a HUGE question! But the simple version is - 

    When I look at the way that God made me, how do I reflect the heart of God? What is God’s stamp on me that says, “This is what God cares about, in the way that he’s going to show it through me, Nicole”?

    And I saw, on this poorly drawn journal page, that I clearly care most about RECONCILIATION and JUSTICE

    A Representative and Mediator

    Here’s the thing: I firmly believe that God has given me the task of telling everyone what he’s doing in the world. Because of him, I don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look or any other human perspective. I see them as GOD sees them.

    I’m a representative (not the real deal, but still, a rep) for Jesus. He uses me to persuade people to drop their differences and enter in to God’s work of making things right between them. He offers everyone a chance to be included in his version of LIFE, a far better life (in my opinion) than anything we try to create on our own.

    And that’s really what I’m committed to. I feel like, as a coach, I am motivated by helping people live God’s version (the BEST version) of their lives, one that is full and varied and complicated and collaborative and harmonious and GOOD.   

    So that’s why I care about reconciliation. That’s why I care about bringing different voices to the same table, about helping people learn how to HAVE a voice, and to retain power in their individual voices, while also being able to give power to people who are different from themselves.

    I have no idea what that’s going to look like, but it’s something that I am passionate about.

    I am passionate about combating injustice. The way that I’m addressing that right now, as a coach, is by coaching people who are specifically addressing injustices. So I’m working with non-profits, artists, social enterprises, people who have really big dreams and a compassionate piece in that about changing the world. 

    And I am passionate about that because I think that that’s God’s work. Even if it’s not done in his name, God is a God who cares about the forgotten and the lonely, he cares about those who are mistreated and marginalized, he cares about the foreigners and the orphans and the slaves. He cares about those people, and I want to be part of caring for them, too.

    I'm Still Learning

    I don’t know where God wants this business to go. But I do know that I need help with being able to articulate in a clear and direct way how I am connected to the work that I am doing and why it is important to me. I need people to reflect back to me and ask me more questions to help me get there.

    will you help me?

    • If you've had a conversation with me, what were the important parts of myself that I brought to the table? 
    • If you read this post, what questions came up? What do you want to know more about? 
    • If you are working in the areas of reconciliation and justice-making, will you chat with me?

    Please leave me a comment below or let's get on the phone

     

    Why Conversations Matter

    I believe that every human being is on a life quest to answer these 2 important questions:

    Who am I?
    What is my purpose?

    All of our pursuits seek to answer these questions. Who am I in my family? In my community? In my relationships? In my work? What makes me valuable and unique? How do others feel about me? 

    And – what am I supposed to do about it? What can I contribute to the world? What lights me up? What do I have to give?

    We ask these questions because we were made to connect. We each possess a deep desire to belong and to be accepted, to be valued and to be seen. We want to make an impact on the world around us, however big or small that may be.  

    And in order to answer these questions – to discover who we are and what we were made to do - we have to have conversations. In the best conversations, I not only get to “be” myself, but I get to “become” the fullest version of that self because of my connection to the other person.

    Human connection doesn’t just make us feel better about ourselves; it actually allows us to transform into better people.   

    Therefore, my goal is to have as many life-changing conversations as possible.

    The Problem with Conversations

    In my experience, most of us do not know how to have powerful conversations that co-create meaning. Share power. Validate vulnerability. Establish connection. In fact, according to the CreatingWE Institute, 9 out of 10 conversations completely miss the mark (i.e., fail to achieve the intentions of the speakers).

    Not only this, but I think most of us are afraid to have the truly meaningful (read: DIFFICULT) conversations that have the real power to change us!

    The problem with avoiding to have, or failing within, these powerful conversations is that the less I share, the more the other person imagines they understand (and our imaginations are a wild place!).

    You see, knowledge doesn’t just come from information. Sure, there’s knowledge of facts (data). But when it comes to relationships, knowledge is fuzzy at best. What we “know” about another person is a combination of what we experience, what we feel, and what we believe. None of that is objective because it is all based on our interpretation of what took place. 

    what I think.png

    This is why two people can have the same conversation and remember it completely differently. Most of the time, when we listen to each other, we are listening to confirm what we already believe. In other words, we are waiting for the other person to say something that lines up with something we already “know” (or, think we know, or believe we know). It’s how we’re wired – our brains conserve energy by searching to latch onto what already makes sense to us. Daniel Kahneman calls our brains “a machine for jumping to conclusions”

    All of this happens every 7-10 seconds in a conversation. Our brains work very fast! As a result, most conversations look something like this, between co-workers Beth and Jane:

    Jane: I think our team should have lunch together once a week.

    Beth: I think that would be really hard to organize. Too many schedules would have to line up.

    Jane: But it happens fairly regularly even without organizing it. So I’d just like to make it a regular thing.

    Beth: Yeah, but whenever our team tries to formalize something it eventually falls apart, so I think it would be better to just keep it natural and see what happens.

    Jane: Ok.

    On the surface, this conversation seems totally benign. You may have had many similar conversations. Jane made a suggestion, Beth refuted it, and the conversation ended. 

    But did either person actually connect with the other?

    Jane wanted to have lunch with her team because she often forgets to eat, so having the scheduled commitment would make sure that she follows through. She knows that taking breaks and eating is important to her overall healthy functioning at work. From Jane’s perspective, the conversation went like this:

    Jane: I need help taking breaks, so will you help me by eating with me once a week?

    Beth: No way! I don’t have time for that.

    Jane: But I’ve seen you have lunch regularly with the rest of the team.

    Beth: I’d rather make time for them than for you.

    Jane may have left this conversation feeling like Beth didn't care about her. But Beth didn’t hear Jane’s request for help. Beth heard a suggestion to add another commitment to her already busy schedule. She likes Jane and would feel guilty if she had to cancel lunch plans, so she’d rather avoid that possibility. From Beth’s perspective, the conversation went like this:

    Jane: I’d like to add more commitments to our busy work day by scheduling time together.

    Beth: I’m so overwhelmed right now, I don’t know how I could fit something else in.

    Jane: Why don’t you manage your time better?

    Beth: I’m just so worried about disappointing you, that I’d rather not try this.

    Beth may have left this conversation feeling stressed about Jane's request and worried that she may be letting Jane down in other areas of their working relationship. But the truth is, there was SO MUCH MORE happening in this conversation than either woman realized, and because they missed the opportunity to connect, they left the conversation frustrated, hurt, and feeling more alone. 

    Healthy Conversations -> Healthy People

    A powerful conversation takes a lot of work. It takes concentration on curiosity rather than certainty. It takes self-awareness of our emotions (which comes from self-awareness of our bodies) and the courage to articulate what is really happening inside.

    Conversations matter because they are the source of meaning for us. What happens in a conversation translates into what we think about ourselves (who am I?) and our purpose (what value do I bring?).

    The best conversations help us not feel alone by making us seen, affirming our value, and letting us contribute. A better conversation for Beth and Jane could look more like this:

    Jane: I think our team should have lunch together once a week. 

    Beth: I feel like we already do that fairly regularly, but maybe it doesn't seem that way to you. Is there some reason you are thinking about this? 

    Jane: Well, I’m really not taking care of myself right now. I need help taking breaks at work, and I think a planned lunch commitment would make me do it. 

    Beth: I had no idea that you were having trouble with that, but I definitely want to help. I feel overwhelmed with work right now, so I’m worried I’d have to cancel a lot if we planned a regular lunch date. Is there something else I could do?

    Jane: I totally get it. I don’t want to add to your schedule! Would you be able to just remind me to take a break and maybe push me out of the office once in a while?    

    Beth: Absolutely.

    Jane: And is there any way I could help lighten your load?

    Can you imagine the difference between how Beth and Jane feel after this conversation? What might be different in their workplace, in their relationship, after this?

    Something magical happens when we are willing to expose our true thoughts and when the other person is willing to truly listen. When we are really seen, our entire bodies open up to possibilities. We can be more creative, more courageous, when we believe that others are for us.

    There [are] patterns about human interactions that we all share, patterns that have to do with how conversations make us healthy or unhealthy
    To be healthy, human beings need to connect, belong, and be strong. We must learn to have strong points of view, have a voice, and to partner with others…
    When we choose an action that moves us toward connecting with others, we physically excite different sets of neurons [in our brains] and ignite new ways of thinking.”
    Judith Glaser, Conversational Intelligence

    IMG_0025.jpeg

    Do you want to have conversations that connect, inspire, and transform? 

     

     

    I just completed six months of enhanced coach training in Conversational Intelligence with Judith Glaser, and I am passionate about spreading these skills to every leader possible. 

    To do this, I offer FREE 90-MINUTE calls with mission-driven leaders who want to improve the quality of their conversations at home and in their work. 

    What could one powerful conversation change for you? Are you willing to find out? Click the button below and let's get started!

     

     

     

    Discovering My Mission

    Discovering My Mission

    I've always felt like I was "too much" for the people around me. I talk too loudly, I speak too directly, I think too passionately. So I tricked myself into believing that smaller + quieter + less(er) = better.

    And then, I became a coach. And I discovered that the very traits I had been trying to hide were the exact reasons that people were drawn to my coaching. I discovered that instead of shrinking myself down, I could expand myself out. And instead of scaring people away, I had clients running toward me.

    My Worst Sales Pitch

    My Worst Sales Pitch

    I don’t know how other coaches sell themselves, but I knew immediately that what I tried here was NOT the way I wanted to do it. Of course, one year in, I’m still learning and adjusting, but since that colossal failure, I’ve created a process that is more focused on serving the person in front of me.